I’ve been staring at spreadsheets all day in an effort to correct a mistake that three managers before me have been unable to correct. So who gets the blame? Me, of course. Then, when review time comes around and I mark myself down on my self-eval because I am, of course, to blame that this hasn’t been resolved, I get this schpeil about how can I say it’s my fault when I’m the third manager to have to deal with the problem.
Meh! Meh, I say! I’m really getting sick of things being my fault and then they’re not my fault. WHICH IS IT!!!????? Would someone F-ing make up their mind? If it’s my fault, fine! I promise to lose sleep over it and continue to create digestive problems for myself. If it’s not my fault, GET OFF MY BACK!!!! And god forbid someone actually HELP me with something I have no experience with and god forbid someone actually be a mentor to me instead of pointing and pushing.
Everything around here is full of contradiction. Do I ever bring it up? Hell no! If I do, I’m making the bosses look stupid or I make myself look like an ass because, no matter what, they’d never remember the contradiction so I look like I’m accusing them of something stupid.
I can’t bring my issues up to HR because I constantly get the feeling that all they want to do is stick it to my bosses. They aren’t bad. They’re just inconsistent. One of them has MAJOR communication issues. Think of someone that you know that has major problems with reading comprehension. Then think of that except with the spoken word. Sometimes she says stuff that’s sooooo far off of what she really wants that I just want to bang my head against the wall! ARGH!!!! That was a Charlie Brown “argh” and not a pirate “argh”.
I have all this pent-up frustration because I can’t fugging tell these people what I want. When I leave here, I want to make a huge point of telling them. Only I’ve got to tell the one about the other and vice versa. Then I go home all bitchy and I snap at my sweet baby. That’s what hurts to most. I snap at him all the time. Only I can’t find my way through to apologize to him for being mean. This is the way it has to be for now. I’m tired of snapping at him for stupid things because my work has my heart tied in knots. You know, these people actually told me I needed therapy. How am _I_ the one who needs therapy? I swear the one boss wants me to be a “mini-me” and her psychological issues are, in her mind, issues that I’m somehow manifesting so I’m the one who needs treatment.
Someone shoot me…
